The Grumpus

Last night I was called a Grumpus. I took particular offense to this, as when I hear Grumpus, I picture an animal like this

I believe the Grumpus is usually found in two varieties. For some reason, people like to keep him as a pet, perhaps to keep the house environment generally bitter, with a background growling noise. This is the Domestic Grumpus.

I warn you, the domestic Grumpus will probable not be fond of his collar. Or your house. Or of being tied to a pole. The domestic Grumpus isn't really fond of anything. Another variety of Grumpus is the wild Grumpus.

The Grumpus doesn't like that tree, either.

An attempt at mollification: I was called a "hot and sexy grumpus." This didn't really help things, as I don't think the Grumpus is capable of being hot and sexy, no matter how hard he tries.

Look at those radiating lines of sexiness... does the Grumpus look any happier? No, I don't think so.

Really, the Grumpus is mostly content being the Grumpus, without any frills. So,

I would imagine at such an event, you could play some pretty awesome games, like

No, no, the Grumpus would not be too keen on that, I believe.

I don't think he's really fond of that pink ribbon either...