Thursday, June 30, 2011

DO R.K.L.O.G. (aka dorklog)

So I've been reading a lovely young adult book about Egyptian gods running amok in today's world, including magic and whatnot... just my cup of tea. Today's drawings are appropriately Egyptian themed. Mind you, this is not the reality of Egypt whatsoever, but things that cross my mind when I think of Egypt. Much like things that cross my mind when I think of anything else, they're special.

Egypt that interests me is Egypt of old, rather than the politically charged Egypt of today. I guess old Egypt was politically charged too... but they had MUMMIES.

The mummy wants Taco Bell because it's lunchtime and I am hungry... and Taco Bell is so horrifically delicious.
My next thought about Egypt (after mummies and Taco Bell) was the Nile, which looks like any other river when drawn in MS Paint. So I added a hippo. It still didn't seem Egypty enough, so I added other animal versions of Egyptian gods, and when looking them up, I found out there was ALSO a hippo goddess (or rather a goddess represented as a hippo, not a goddess of hippos)! So she got a name too.

Thank you wikipedia.

We should learn more about Egypt of old by doing more archaeology. You should encourage it amongst your peers, even tell fellow drivers they should by creating a vanity plate. You'd have to abbreviate it, of course, to something like DO (arr) (kay) (el) (oh) (gee)... but watch out, because that spells dorklog. An ex-boyfriend's uncle made that mistake.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Seas in Which I Swim

I'm a little too tired to be in a bad OR good mood today. When I start to get frustrated, I simply imagine myself, calm and at ease, floating in the water.

I am one with the universe, I am my own little center of peace... I am.. I am... kidding myself.


Ok, ok, so that's a little dramatic. Frankly, neither sea is the idea sea for me to swim in. Where do I dream of floating right now?


That's right... a sea of CANDY. With a gummy worm! Ahh, I love candy, and all is well with the world.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Why do lawns make people so grumpy?

I mean, the lawn outside my office makes me grumpy, but more because they feel the need to mow it every day. Oh, and all those damn kids out there.

Clearly this could be an issue, especially considering the awesome pink flamingo. How do you settle ownership of a lawn between a banana and a cactus? I mean, well, the cactus is probably more prickly and less pleasant to argue with... then again, I don't see much difference between arguing with a cactus and a banana, either way it makes you pretty insane.

Here, this should settle it.

Wait, no, even better...


Friday, June 24, 2011

Another Week Ends

This morning Katsa was in a somewhat manic mode. She usually wakes up languid, mewing at me indicating she is ready to be fed, but this morning, I don't know what she was on, because she was rocketing around the apartment and bouncing off the walls.

Unfortunately, she is awfully clumsy for a kitty, and will leap onto my table, slide across it (unable to get her footing) and fall off the other side. She also does things like careen across the apartment, willy nilly knocking things over, only to mis-judge the distance and crash into a wall on the other side. Thus far she has remained unharmed, and she certainly doesn't look distressed by it. She seems to enjoy it. I enjoy watching her when it's not 3 AM. Usually she ends up in a contented ball, purring at the foot of my bed. Crazy.


Oh, also, here's an irate banana.


Thursday, June 23, 2011

Bear it in Mind

A beautiful thing about the English language is that some words have multiple meanings which are only deciphered by context, rather than any indication within the word itself. Like bank. I could mean the financial institution or the bank of a river, and based on the sentence "I am taking my money and putting it in a bank," you'd know I most likely was not burying a stash of cash next to the river. Most likely.

It's kind of amusing (to me) when you purposely take the incorrect meaning of the word and substitute it in the sentence. Take bear, for instance.

You could bear, as in to carry, or bear, as in the animal. When I replace the verb with the noun (or imagine the noun as a verb...) some amusing mental images come up.
 
Like "bear in mind." I'll bear that in mind. Watch out for mind bears.
 
Mind bears aren't that different from your average bear except they wear viking hats. Or at least I think they do. MY mind bears wear viking hats... all the better to invade your mind with.


Second example: "bear a child." Two things came to mind with this. Now is it a bear coming to me with a child?


I don't really want a kid right now, but I would be hard pressed to say no to a bear, especially one in a princess hat (to distinguish it from the mind-bear).

Or are we taking "bear" as a verb, and turning a child into a bear? Like "what are you doing with Jimmy and all that brown paint?" "Oh, we're bear-ing him."


Frankly, that bear suit looks pretty comfortable. Imagine if a bear delivered a bear-ed child to you?! That's the ultimate in bear-ization.

Third, no one likes to be the "bearer of bad news." If you had claws and could maul someone if they complained about your bad news, it might be a little more bearable.


Not only that, but this guy is in a bowler hat, and I mean, who's going to get angry at a bear in a bowler hat, even if he did promise to look after your fish when you were away. You probably never should have trusted that bear with your fish anyway... you should see what he did to the houseplants.

Anyway, I'm going to go take my money to a bank and bury it by the river.
 

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Buffalo Wings

One of the most delicious foods in existence are buffalo wings. So spicy, so wonderful, that gnaw on the bone feeling you get.... ::drool::. As I've had them (a little too) frequently in the past couple of weeks, I figured I would immortalize them in a post. Clearly, they are made from wings of a buffalo...

Ok, so I had an image in my head, and I could NOT get it to appear on screen the way I wanted to. This looks kind of like... a quadruped wookie with horns and wings. So I went to trusty google and looked up "buffalo pictures." Lo and behold, an the image I had in my mind came up, and I could recreate it in my talented MS Paint ways...


Now, having found this picture on the always reliable wikipedia, it informed me that these are not, in fact, buffalo, but rather bison. Which I think I actually knew, but it's still the animal that appears in my head when I think of a buffalo. The handy links took me to images of true buffalo...


I liked the description of this animal as a "robust species." Also, its horns are pretty rockin'. Additionally, in South East Asia...


Thinking that all previous buffaloes looked a little moody, I made this one grinning. He looks a little grimace-y, but maybe buffaloes by nature are ill tempered?

Wikipedia also told me they have water buffalo races in various places, which is something I would REALLY like to see.




Though I was grateful to learn more about the majestic animal, the buffalo, the point remains that buffalo wings are delicious... and I know buffaloes don't actually have wings, but they should.



Monday, June 20, 2011

Drink of Choice

You know the saying "don't judge a book by its cover"? I think I really need to pay more attention to that, as I often am attracted to books with fun and/or sparkly things on the cover, rather than caring what the book's about. This is similar to my overwhelming desire to order "strange flavored chicken" on the menu at some Chinese restaurants, not because I think it will taste good, but simply because it is called "strange flavored." What IS the strange flavor??

The same applies to drinks. If they have a fun name, I'm more intrigued by them. Forget the gin and tonic, what about a dirty martini?

I can't say the name brings up lovely mental images. In fact, it seems to be a case with a lot of "fun" drink names.


I don't think I'd want to be that dude... or the person drinking from that straw.

Anyway, cheers all.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Spartacus Curmudgeon

I decided it unfair to post a real picture of Katsa and never have posted a real picture of Spart, so here he is.

His eyes turned pretty awesome with the camera flash. Anyway, I'm sure he sends you all many virtual goodbye hisses.

Katsa's Official Introduction (with rotten fruit)

Sadly, in the end, Spart was never happy in my apartment. He seemed to like his cat companion when I brought her home, but he continued to avoid me like the plague. He eventually took to constant yowling, morning, noon, and night, for no apparent reason. I guess "end" isn't a good word, nothing ended about him, but I did bring him back to the shelter (which, I stress, is cage-less and no kill), which was where he was happy when I met him. I've inquired about him since, and he apparently is doing well, and very happy to be around a lot of cats (and less people) again.

The new feline companion, who I named Katsa, has stuck around. She's a real treat, one of the best cats I've ever met! Though I guess a lot of cat owners say that about their own cats. She's a little dumb and clumsy, but that only makes her more lovable.

Best of all, SHE LIKES BOXES. I love cats in boxes. I recently got a shipment from Comcast, and I set aside a box as I was unpacking. I look over and...

It's very adorable. She also eats like no cat I've seen. She could probably go through 8 cans of cat food in a single sitting. Ah, like parent like kitty. Anyway, she is not as monochromatic as Spart and thus much more difficult to MS Paint, so you may not be as inundated with cat pictures. And for the record, here she really is:


Unlike Spart, who's name I had picked out before ever owning a cat, I found it very difficult to name my girl cat. In the end the only name she seemed to like was a character in a young adult book I am particularly fond of, Graceling by Kristin Cashore (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graceling, if you care). If you like young adult books, especially ones with superpowers and romance angst, it's awesome.

So that's my Katsa. To balance out the crazy cat lady side (I guess one picture doesn't balance anything), I was telling a friend I was rooting for her, and accidentally typed rotting. I wouldn't want anyone rotting for me.

Though the strawberry doesn't seem to mind it much. I wonder if there's a way on Paint to do grades of color. I was trying to go from red to brown in a less lined way, but... well... you know, I'm just not that good. So enjoy the linear strawberry and happy Friday.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Ghosts (with issues)

I originally was going to try to make something out of "what do you give a handkerchief if it sneezes?" I drew a tissue sneezing. It looked dumb. The idea was dumb, but what amused me more was...

Rather than a handkerchief sneezing, it looked kind of like a constipated ghost with decorative sheet-wear. Constipated ghosts are the more amusing (albeit equally as lame) subjects, so there you go. What do you give a constipated ghost?


Ecto-lax? Ghoul softener? Would it come in a spray form since ghosts aren't really corporeal enough to swallow a pill? (I had to google what form ex-lax actually came in... probably not the best search to do at work...). Anyway, an unclogged ghost is a more effective ghost.



Also, in case there is any confusion, that is the SHADOW of the ghost below the ghost to indicate he is floating. Not the results of ecto-lax.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Weather Monstrosity

Today promises to be pretty horrific weather-wise. It started this morning with thunderstorms (in time for the morning commute), and later predicts highs of 98 degrees. I am NOT fond of hot weather, especially when I am forced to leave the safety of air conditioning and venture to the outdoors.

When my alarm went off at 5 AM this morning, my room was dark and the rain was pattering against my window. I did get up, I did make it to the gym, but all the while this image was in my head.

Well, maybe it was me, and not a bear, in bed. It also wasn't floating in the sky, but rather, I was fantasizing about not having to get up this morning. Sigh. I did accidentally inhale some coffee through my nose on the walk from the gym to work, I'm hoping that despite the discomfort, snorting caffeine is actually MORE effective than drinking it...

I had another drawing in my head of people on fire, but I haven't decided if I want to put it up or not. So for now I am at a loss.


So what else, but make a picture of me not knowing what to make a picture of? Also it let me play with the watercolor and oil paint brushes in MS Paint, which I'm not all that good with. But I LIKE them.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Cheering up friends

Rather than complain about something in my life today, I spent my MS Paint energy in trying to cheer up a friend who's having a rough day/week/month (you know how it goes). Being relatively inept at verbal consolation, I resorted to spamming her with various pictures of animals wishing her well.


Oh yes, it continues


If that wasn't enough, I jazzed up the pony a little...

I began to run out of ideas for animals.


No matter how nice the thought was, I'm not sure I'd want a skunk to spray me with "feel better" smell. Still, I tried.

If you, too, are having trouble getting over the hump of this week, hopefully one of these well wishing creatures improves your day!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

At this point, just about anything. We're going on day 2 of my less-than-usual sugar plan, and I think I'm doing pretty well. No Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the main thing. I have a coffee (which for me is a mostly sugar, some coffee deal from Starbucks) in the morning, and that's the only super sugar I get for the day. When I let myself daydream, though, it turns into something like Homer Simpson in the land of chocolate.



Though my version is more like me in the land of weird mud huts, it turned out better than I thought it would.

Don't get me wrong, I could seriously go for some Cinnamon Toast Crunch right about now. I salivate at the thought of the sugary goodness. Don't give me that "fruit has sugar business" either, because it doesn't compare.


Look at that box of cereal, all smug, sitting on the beach, while I have a stupid apple. DAMN YOU, APPLES.

Alas, I will try to remain strong. Anyway, since I've been harping on the sugar thing a lot, here is something completely different.


Clearly credit for the idea comes from Finding Nemo (credit where credit is due: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4BNbHBcnDI)

*twitch* sugar.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Day 1: It seems like a year

So I have been overindulging in the awesomeness that is Cinnamon Toast Crunch, so I made a pact with myself not to buy it anymore, thus removing temptation. Already the craving and shakes have started, we'll see how long I can make it. I mean, if I turned down that donut, I can do anything, right?

Shut up over used cliche with a head too big for its body. Take THIS!


All praise to the bean.


Ok yeah, I'm getting a little loopy.