Thursday, December 22, 2011

I've Discovered a New Blog

So I've discovered a new blog, which satisfies my irrational need to hurt people. Ok, not an actual need to hurt people, but to talk about it, and then not actually do it. That's more like it. I'm one of those people who is likely to say "gosh, I just wanted to punch her in the face!" I have never actually punched anyone, nor do I think I would, but talking about it is sometimes very satisfying. If multiple people talk about it, you can even form an agreeable mob where you say "yeah, YEAH! I totally find that person/place/thing annoying too!" That's the sense of camaraderie this blog gives me. It's aptly titled "People I Want to Punch in the Throat"

I get a fantastic image of a person flying through the air, fist forward, aimed straight for the jugular. Of course, flying through the air also implies a cape. Everything I imagine implies a cape.


Yes, for my punch illustration I chose Kendra Wilkinson, for whom I possess an unwarranted and unnatural hatred of. Don't make me get in to it. Really. No, I don't know her. Yeah, I'm sure if you do she's super. Or maybe not. I don't care. Her TV personality sucks and makes me want to fly at her golden fist forward.

I know. Really, if I saw her, it would be more like this.
For the three people who read this blog (especially those who are fans of Kendra Wilkinson), this is no way insinuates there will be any bodily harm dealt to her. I can still think about it, and draw MSPaint pictures of it.

And hey, also note my punching fervor is not limited to celebrities I've never met. I also want to punch things in my every day life. Like, have you ever rode the MBTA in Boston? Well, if not, you should try it, and then you can join me in a punch-matic extravaganza. I would like to drink some rocket fuel in order to propel myself with super-sonic force to punch the MBTA.
I don't think, like this lovely woman's blog, I could focus on the throat, really. Where would the MBTA's throat be? It's a little more effective to go straight for the throat, but bashing the side of the T car might make me feel better too. I'd start a blog named "People I'd Like to Punch (sometimes repeatedly)" and I would probably post more often on that.

But hey, at least I'm simply writing about it, instead of actually doing it. Watch out though, I'm about to head into a student union, and I'm pretty sure your average college student deserves a punch in the throat. I don't think she agrees, but she does make some good punching points: http://peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.blogspot.com/

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Titles

I haven't been posting much, I know. I haven't given up on the blog, but I haven't been very inspired by it lately either. I was drawing something in MS Paint today to exemplify a point to someone, and figured since this ol' blog is collecting dust, I'd put it up here. It's more of a work rant than anything (shocking, I know).

People who get all huffy about titles frustrate me. I try to give anyone respect when it is due and address them properly, but when you have to sit me down in my office to go over your "official" titles with me because I introduced my workstudy to you calling you the "head" of a department instead of a dean, it makes me want to give you a MUCH worse title than that.

Regardless, there is someone I work with who insists on dotting all correspondence with me with his/her title. Everywhere. Just added in places. I mean, if you were Jesus (supposing you believe in that sort of thing) ok, sure, put savior on all your correspondence. Yeah, son of god, you totally earned it. But something like MSW? I think that can be stated once. In your signature or something. Perhaps I'm just being peevish, I hear it happens everywhere, professors and their staff, lawyers and their clerks, etc etc... but this is what I mean:

I promise, it's not much of an exaggeration.

Anyway, endrant. Here's something for putting up with me:

I didn't draw the owl... in case you thought otherwise.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Cards I'd like to have on hand for coworkers

I've been experiencing a little bit of employment dissatisfaction lately, and I've decided that venting via my extraordinarily popular blog is a little more finance friendly than say... running around the hallways in my underpants, screaming, and trying to eat chairs. Face it, we all know I'm lucky to be employed at all in this day and age, and if I have time to make a blog post about it, my job isn't all that bad.

That being said, some people I work with still get under my skin and make me go just a little bonkers. Just a little. If someone comes in to my office, sometimes I'd like to let them part with some original jschro artwork.

It's also "great" when you make me "do stuff" that makes me look as "special" as yourself. People on the phone can't see my expression when I realize I'm calling for the 30th time to ask why a phone line isn't fixed when I've already gotten the answer 29 other times...

All the same, I like to call this one my "it could be worse" reminder

Hey, I may have started drooling oatmeal in boredom while you were talking to me... but... I mean, at least I'm not using my butt as a pencil launcher, right?

My all time favorite, the word I wish I could use more often but never do...

No, I don't want to go into the bathroom to fix the toilet paper dispenser you broke. No, I don't know or care why the handicapped door isn't working. No, I'm feeling fine, just wondering where I left my box of deadly pencils...

Ahh, a good rant feels nice. I feel refreshed. I think I can just never forget my mantra: "Hey, at least it's not retail."

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

At one point, this had direction

I think I had an idea where this was going when I started with the horse.

I even copied the horse so I could add things to it... but then I got distracted and my original intention was lost. I know, working again, what has become of me? I've become...

Oh! See what I did there? I used the horse after all. We all know I'd rather be...

YES! Twice. So the horse did get some use after all, and I got some work done, so we're all happy. Sort of. And sleepy.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Today I fell up the stairs

Yes, I did. It's one of those days. You know the ones that feel like this?

I mean, I don't really want to destroy all humans. I am generally fond of a small group of them. But when it rains, it pours, and when I get in one of those moods, it's like doom and destruction.

I didn't want anyone to think I had a vendetta against them, so it is me that has fallen victim to the deathbot, I mean, I do strive to annoy someone special EVERY day.

Alas, it is not all doom and gloom, I'm just kind of moody today. I also burned myself on some oatmeal. Here is a more uplifting picture.

... Bloody robots might be uplifting to some people?

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Birthday come and gone

So another birthday has passed. It was great, and thank you to all the people who made it special. I have mixed feelings about it, as I love my birthday, but I do not want to get older. It is very nice to have a day to celebrate me and all my jschro-ness, but always, in the back of my mind, I hear...

I do still like presents. The best thing you can do to presents that tell you you're getting old is this:

Ripping them to shreds is totally acceptable! I mean, not the sweet sweet inside, but the outer wrapping, the external evil. Though I shouldn't be too angry and the talking present. At least it's wrapped all nice with its bow. When I have presents for people, they usually turn out looking like this...

Good thing for the rays off awesome, or you might have thought I just taped up a rock to give to you.

Anyway, besides being one year closer to my inevitable demise, my birthday was a smashing success. A special thank you to Cat for the blog-style birthday wishes!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A "real" adult

With my birthday approaching, I've come to realize that no matter how old my license indicates I am, I still don't think of myself as a real adult. You know, one of those people with routines, and a house, who does laundry before they have to haul a giant bag of it down to the coin operated machine in the basement and hope it fits because I don't have enough quarters for more than 2 loads...

Anyway... tomorrow I am taking a giant leap forward in becoming a "real" adult. I, unfortunately, have been sleeping on a futon since graduation. It was a cheap investment and easy to move, so I dealt with the fact it was extremely uncomfortable for a long time. My "bed" currently looks something like this:

Yes, it is broken. Yes, it is uncomfortable. But I am poor, so I made do. Now, however, things have changed. TOMORROW, I will have a new bed! I felt the need to memorialize this on my blog.

So yeah, like a REAL bed. For a REAL adult! ... ... yes, I still have my craptastic pillows and old sheets but HEY. One step at a time, ok?

Also, after giving it some time to fully develop, it appears my elliptical bruise is not as bad as I originally thought it would be. Still noticeable, but it doesn't look like my arm is dead and going to fall off.

Success?

Monday, October 17, 2011

Hello (hello hello) is there anybody in there?

I know. You've missed me. It has been terrible for me too, I promise. All this work, no inspiration... it has been like a desert of sadness here. A veritable land of unhappiness.

Note the crying dog and dead plant. Also that's supposed to be a sun, but a sad looking one.... the plant would probably be dead even if I was blogging daily though... I tend to kill plants.

Anyway, I guess the most interesting thing that has happened to me recently is that I fell off the elliptical machine at the gym. I have a previous post about my tendency to bruise, so you can imagine the damage it did.

Here is my rendition of it:

Elliptical machines are very hard to draw. Also, I am clumsy.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Busy Bee

Things have been hectic around the office, especially today. I did, however, have an incredibly boring and useless meeting, during which I doodled this, so enjoy!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Costuming

I rarely put much thought in to Halloween costumes, but it appears this year it's all the rage, so I've fallen in to the spirit. My creative costume skills are very rusty, though, but I've come up with two possibilities.

PROS:
-I've got the raptor-arm down
-I get to stomp around and make dino noises
-comfortable attire, no worries about hair because of hat

CONS:
-requires store bought things--expensive!
-have no good ideas for tail materials
-I will probably find the hat/mask annoying and take it off, leaving me as some kind of unidentified green individual with a tail (or possibly a scarf hanging out of my pants <--best idea for a tail yet)

When I voiced my worries about the Dino-costume-execution, the following was suggested to me

PROS:
-It's very ME
-Possibility of pajama wearing (under coat or bathrobe)
-easy to put together

CONS:
-will have to purchase coat or bathrobe
-will have to purchase stuffed cats
-can not wear my hair in a ponytail <--a surprisingly big deal!

I might go to some used stores/costume shops this weekend. Who knows. I could go my usual route of finding ways to wear my normal clothes... "I'm Jschro from five minutes ago. The Jschro you're looking for is in the bathroom..." etc. etc. Suggestions welcome.

Monday, September 26, 2011

There's a fly in my office!

At first I thought it was a bee, and I was really freaked out. But no, it's just a buzzing black fly, going in circles around my office.

I can't even successfully shoo it out! It's just repetitively circling! Ideally, I would smash it in the least humane way possible.

But with my luck, we know what the end result of me running around with an ax would be.

I suppose I'll have to wait for it to get stuck in the window and either die of starvation or get eaten by the spider that has been lurking there.

Ick.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Ah, School.

A friend complaining about a lab something something inspired this one. She's studying soldier beetles. That's right... SOLDIER BEETLES.

That's what they are, right? Haha, school. Haha, ecology.

And here's something from yesterday.

His name is Meeko.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Nyan?

THIS HAS BEEN IN MY HEAD.

Which, for those of you who don't know, is my rendition of this.

Enjoy.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Apple Picking

So I am going to go apple picking in the near future, and am thinking of things to do with what is sure to be a plentiful haul of apples. I mean, there's the obvious...

But I am totally willing to hear unconventional suggestions.

Small houses for imaginary rodents? Or hey, I could go castaway style and make a friend out of one...

This is my friend... uh... Golden Delicious.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Obsessed with Froyo

Yes. I like frozen yogurt. A lot. Not when it's original blend and like... good for you. But the chocolate/peanut butter/cake batter flavored kind with super toppings. O.M.G. So here.

Get it?  http://www.pinkberry.com/

Or

Like this one http://www.berryline.com/

And then... uh...


I should get money for the advertising... or free frozen yogurt.

Mmm...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Our Server is Down

When our server is down, it doesn't leave me with many options. I have plenty to do right now, but not the capacity to do any of it. So... MSPAINT! In the spirit of the system being down, I created this

I used a picture from the web as a model... but I'm pretty proud of him. For those of you who don't know homestar runner, below is the reference.

We installed this light switch so the Cheat could turn the light ON and OFF. Not to throw light switch raves!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Searching the Archives

Some pictures I have made for one reason or another, and they haven't been for my blog. Since I've been somewhat remiss about posting, I figured I could find one of these and put it up for you. So here's one I don't think made it online:

Apparently it's a boar pretty geared up for a Seder. Yeah.
Here's another random one. I made it for someone in particular who was feeling down, but really it could be applicable to anyone inserted in the bubble.

I often am thinking of Ian McKellen. Finally, has someone wronged or upset you? There's no better way to inform them of this than to send them a picture. With pandas.

If you make panda sad he'll eat you.... and southpark will sue you for copyright violation.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

I don't listen to rap

I know you all have been lonely without me. Things have been busy around the office, and shockingly, I haven't had time to sit and doodle. Sort of. I've also been having some creative blocks lately. I mean, I don't know where the following came from.

But it did lead to this

Here are some creepy monkeys.


I didn't draw these. Don't they look like skeletons?

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Thursday, August 18, 2011

So wait, your friend's cat is having a birthday?

At first I misunderstood, but....

Hooray for birthdays!

I still don't really know what lawyers do besides do stuff in courtrooms... alas.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Words that should be real

Mainly, these are words which will give me a good score in word games. Like Tigerman. It SOUNDS real enough. Look, see here:

He exists AND has bad fashion sense.

Monday, August 15, 2011

The Problem with Toffee Pancakes

I have become rather enamored of this new breakfast place. Well, not new, but new to me.

In fact, I'm so specifically fond of a certain item on the menu that I'm not sure I'll ever get anything else, meaning it may not be good to trust a recommendation from me about this place. I mean, sure what I get is FANTASTIC, but everything else might suck and I'll never know. Regardless, it leaves me with one simple truth.

The toffee crumble pancakes are so freakin' awesome. So much sugary sweet goodness, and in pancake form!!! I could eat them until I explode... which I may very well do one day.